Portland Trail Blazers are Average!

I love the Portland Trail Blazers. When I met Bill Walton at JFK airport, I told him my memories of being four years old and the Blazermania that swept P-town in 1977.

Me: The town went apeshit for you, Bill.
Bill: Ya, that was a great time, Tom.

They are Portland’s only major league sports team (sorry, LumberJaxxx). However, expectations are unreal for this team. The city and the local fishwrap expect that this team will win 60 games a year. Yes, they are a good team. Yes, they are an improving team. But do I think they will make the playoffs? Sadly, no. I do think they will win 47 games, but the West is too deep. Last year, every team in the Western Conference playoffs had at least 50 wins.

Blazermania officially made a comeback in 2006 when the team drafted Brandon Roy. He has emerged as the team leader. In 2007, after failing the make the playoffs (again), the team drafted Greg Oden. There were explosions in the sky! Tears flowed from grandmothers’ eyes! Another championship was on the horizon!

And, by 2009, of course!

My advice to Portlanders and the Oregonian is chill out. The team is good but they need another year (to make the playoffs) and a big-time free agent (to be a contender). In November, I saw that ESPN had ranked the Blazers at #4 in their power rankings. Yesterday the Oregonian ranked them in the top 10.

This is ridiculous.

The team is fun to watch and is steadily improving. If Oden can play every game like he did against Milwaukee and become a dominant player, then we can talk about a parade on Broadway. Dwight Howard is arguably the most dominant center in the League and a fun guy to watch. He is in his fifth season and has never missed an NBA game. All while averaging over 30 minutes per game and increasing his output.

In contrast Oden played half a year of college ball and has missed six games this year after sitting out an entire year with a knee injury. He’s injury-prone and inconsistent. Also, once he’s played 50 games he will hit the “rookie wall.”
Give Oden and the team time and we’ll see success.

It’s time to back off and let them grow up.

Ask Dr. Tom, Layoff fears

Dear Dr. Tom,

Why has your blog gone soft?

Hans J.

Hi, Hans J.

Low CTR on ED ads!

Tom

Hey, Dr. Tom!

Layoffs are coming to my office. What can I do to better prepare for the inevitable?

CSMF

Hi, CS

You need to own this. If you feel vulnerable, remove any doubt from your employer’s mind that you should go and be the one that must go. Come in at 10, go home at 2. Throw in a two-hour, alcohol-fueled lunch and you get the idea.

A former co-worker of mine was on the block and he went this route. He started coming in later than normal, took a bunch of “sick” days, came to work all coked up, etc. Being idealistic, I took it upon myself to chew him out and tell him to “sack up” and be a pro. Needless to say, he was let go for cause four weeks before the rest of us got the “right-sizing” axe.

In addition to shortening your work day, I suggest you take this approach:

• Sleep during meetings and wake up shouting, “What do you mean I don’t make enough to logon to ‘TheLadders.com’?”
• Call everyone “mathafacka” in your best Eminem voice.
• Tell all the women in your office how much you love the song “Let’s Pretend We’re Married” by Prince and just leave it at that.

The point here is use your imagination, because you’ll never know when you’ll get laid off again (probably is six months).

Tom

P.S. My heart is going to burst because it's full of rainbows.

Dr. Tom is not a real doctor. He calls himself since that his right as a holder of a Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy from U.C. Santa Cruz.

Wayne Rooney is a punk

I think Wayne Rooney is a fantastic player for Manchester United and England. He has strength, speed and finishes well. We won yesterday’s match against Wigan and played well against Chelsea on the weekend. Despite all his quality he is a punk-ass bitch.

I am constantly surprised that he is not sent off more often. I’m even more surprised he isn’t booked in every one of his matches for dissent. He openly yells at the ref and for some reason they do not discipline him for these outbursts. During the Chelsea match Howard Webb should have shown him the card to quiet the ravings of a lunatic.

Tom’s sarcastic rant: “Ooh, look at me, I get pissed off over a poor call about a throw in--an eff-ing throw-in! I’m one of the best players in the world but I act like a two year old when I don’t get my way.” Grow up, Rooney.

I just joined the facebook cause called “Stop little children watching Man Utd. Join the cause here: http://apps.facebook.com/causes/135864?m=7bf7bab2

Leeds United prediction:

Brighton 1-2 Leeds
C’mon, United!

Soccer-n-kids-n-beer-n-home improvement

These are the things that I like. All with the usual TFS tinge of flavor (aka sarcasm).

Big ups to Eric L. for the name and to J.M., whose blog title inspired the rant.

Tom