My work is across the street from the Portland Trail Blazers’ opponent’s hotel. Something about it being one of two hotels that have long enough beds.
Today Laker fans were standing outside hounding their fave players to take pictures or touch greatness. They’re decked out in their team’s colors waiting in the f-ing rain for hours to get Lamar Odom’s autograph on their precious #7 jersey.
These people are sad.
I walked by and gave an all-yellow-clad guy crap about if they were going to ask a Lakers player who he were going to maim when the team was losing by 25 points to the Blazers--as Trevor Ariza did to Rudy F. last month. They joked it was going to be LaMarcus Aldridge.
Nice.
As I was leaving Pau Gasol rolled past the line. “Pau, Pau!” they all called. And he didn’t even respond. Wow, what a disappointment! Good for them they’re not wasting days off from their jobs since they probably don’t have any.
For Woody Monroy.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Betty Brown, we love you!
Crooks and Liars is one of my favorite sites. For the most part it illustrates how the cable news shows are out of touch. What I really like is when they show under-reported stories like this one.
Rep. Betty Brown of the Texas state legislature thinks Asians should adopt names that are “easier for Americans to deal with.” Awesome! Never mind the obvious issue about a name being a very large part of Self.
And bless the people of Terrell, Texas, who will probably elect her again in 2010, because “she’s good people.”
Read more: http://crooksandliars.com/nicole-belle/why-cant-you-just-change-your-name-so
Rep. Betty Brown of the Texas state legislature thinks Asians should adopt names that are “easier for Americans to deal with.” Awesome! Never mind the obvious issue about a name being a very large part of Self.
And bless the people of Terrell, Texas, who will probably elect her again in 2010, because “she’s good people.”
Read more: http://crooksandliars.com/nicole-belle/why-cant-you-just-change-your-name-so
Monday, April 6, 2009
Yay, Blazers!
In January I predicted the Portland Trail Blazers would NOT make the playoffs and would NOT win 47 games.
Today, I eat crow.
I was wrong on both counts. However, I was right about how team should not lean exclusively on Greg Oden. I’ve been surprised by the consistent output of Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge, especially LA. The team has been fun to watch and played tough all year.
I am worried about their inability to win against playoff-caliber teams from the West on the road (1-10 this year). That means they really need to finish strong in their last six games to earn a top-4 spot in the West, and win home court advantage.
Go team!
Today, I eat crow.
I was wrong on both counts. However, I was right about how team should not lean exclusively on Greg Oden. I’ve been surprised by the consistent output of Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge, especially LA. The team has been fun to watch and played tough all year.
I am worried about their inability to win against playoff-caliber teams from the West on the road (1-10 this year). That means they really need to finish strong in their last six games to earn a top-4 spot in the West, and win home court advantage.
Go team!
Friday, April 3, 2009
Church Talk on the bus
I love riding the bus to work when I'm not riding my bike!
Overheard the other morning on the 10-Harold (only the best bus line in all of Portland!)
What a drag.
Overheard the other morning on the 10-Harold (only the best bus line in all of Portland!)
Hey, Brother--it’s J___. I wanted to tell you how much I love you and how“That’s sweet!” I thought. This guy is into his church and spreading the Love. This was until he delivered the same message five more times—verbatim. Now I thought, “What a disingenuous motherf___er!” This guy is no better that a telemarketer for his church.
much I enjoy your fellowship. I wanted to invite you to Bible study on
Wednesday. See you there.
What a drag.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Ask Dr. Tom: Stay home, sickies
Hey, Dr. Tom –
It seems like the flu is coming back to the office. What can I do?
Wants All to Stay Healthy
Dear Wash,
Yes, this is a troubling trend. In this economy people will continue to work since they think they will be fired for taking a sick day or two. They say things like, “got the plague” or “got the crud” and then they go home anyway. Why are you dragging your sorry ass into the office to spread it around? Stay home! Lastly, whenever I hear people say they are “not contagious” despite hacking up a lung on the carpet, I cry BS. Do they say this to try to convince themselves?
My advice to you apart from eating well and getting plenty of rest is to get angry at the sick people in your office. “The work will survive your absence!” The more agro and over-the-top you get the better. Never underestimate the power of public humiliation.
Stay well,
Dr. Tom
It seems like the flu is coming back to the office. What can I do?
Wants All to Stay Healthy
Dear Wash,
Yes, this is a troubling trend. In this economy people will continue to work since they think they will be fired for taking a sick day or two. They say things like, “got the plague” or “got the crud” and then they go home anyway. Why are you dragging your sorry ass into the office to spread it around? Stay home! Lastly, whenever I hear people say they are “not contagious” despite hacking up a lung on the carpet, I cry BS. Do they say this to try to convince themselves?
My advice to you apart from eating well and getting plenty of rest is to get angry at the sick people in your office. “The work will survive your absence!” The more agro and over-the-top you get the better. Never underestimate the power of public humiliation.
Stay well,
Dr. Tom
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Portland Trail Blazers are Average!
I love the Portland Trail Blazers. When I met Bill Walton at JFK airport, I told him my memories of being four years old and the Blazermania that swept P-town in 1977.
Me: The town went apeshit for you, Bill.
Bill: Ya, that was a great time, Tom.
They are Portland’s only major league sports team (sorry, LumberJaxxx). However, expectations are unreal for this team. The city and the local fishwrap expect that this team will win 60 games a year. Yes, they are a good team. Yes, they are an improving team. But do I think they will make the playoffs? Sadly, no. I do think they will win 47 games, but the West is too deep. Last year, every team in the Western Conference playoffs had at least 50 wins.
Blazermania officially made a comeback in 2006 when the team drafted Brandon Roy. He has emerged as the team leader. In 2007, after failing the make the playoffs (again), the team drafted Greg Oden. There were explosions in the sky! Tears flowed from grandmothers’ eyes! Another championship was on the horizon!
And, by 2009, of course!
My advice to Portlanders and the Oregonian is chill out. The team is good but they need another year (to make the playoffs) and a big-time free agent (to be a contender). In November, I saw that ESPN had ranked the Blazers at #4 in their power rankings. Yesterday the Oregonian ranked them in the top 10.
This is ridiculous.
The team is fun to watch and is steadily improving. If Oden can play every game like he did against Milwaukee and become a dominant player, then we can talk about a parade on Broadway. Dwight Howard is arguably the most dominant center in the League and a fun guy to watch. He is in his fifth season and has never missed an NBA game. All while averaging over 30 minutes per game and increasing his output.
In contrast Oden played half a year of college ball and has missed six games this year after sitting out an entire year with a knee injury. He’s injury-prone and inconsistent. Also, once he’s played 50 games he will hit the “rookie wall.”
Give Oden and the team time and we’ll see success.
It’s time to back off and let them grow up.
Me: The town went apeshit for you, Bill.
Bill: Ya, that was a great time, Tom.
They are Portland’s only major league sports team (sorry, LumberJaxxx). However, expectations are unreal for this team. The city and the local fishwrap expect that this team will win 60 games a year. Yes, they are a good team. Yes, they are an improving team. But do I think they will make the playoffs? Sadly, no. I do think they will win 47 games, but the West is too deep. Last year, every team in the Western Conference playoffs had at least 50 wins.
Blazermania officially made a comeback in 2006 when the team drafted Brandon Roy. He has emerged as the team leader. In 2007, after failing the make the playoffs (again), the team drafted Greg Oden. There were explosions in the sky! Tears flowed from grandmothers’ eyes! Another championship was on the horizon! And, by 2009, of course!
My advice to Portlanders and the Oregonian is chill out. The team is good but they need another year (to make the playoffs) and a big-time free agent (to be a contender). In November, I saw that ESPN had ranked the Blazers at #4 in their power rankings. Yesterday the Oregonian ranked them in the top 10.
This is ridiculous.
The team is fun to watch and is steadily improving. If Oden can play every game like he did against Milwaukee and become a dominant player, then we can talk about a parade on Broadway. Dwight Howard is arguably the most dominant center in the League and a fun guy to watch. He is in his fifth season and has never missed an NBA game. All while averaging over 30 minutes per game and increasing his output.
In contrast Oden played half a year of college ball and has missed six games this year after sitting out an entire year with a knee injury. He’s injury-prone and inconsistent. Also, once he’s played 50 games he will hit the “rookie wall.”
Give Oden and the team time and we’ll see success.
It’s time to back off and let them grow up.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Ask Dr. Tom, Layoff fears
Dear Dr. Tom,
Why has your blog gone soft?
Hans J.
Hi, Hans J.
Low CTR on ED ads!
Tom
Hey, Dr. Tom!
Layoffs are coming to my office. What can I do to better prepare for the inevitable?
CSMF
Hi, CS
You need to own this. If you feel vulnerable, remove any doubt from your employer’s mind that you should go and be the one that must go. Come in at 10, go home at 2. Throw in a two-hour, alcohol-fueled lunch and you get the idea.
A former co-worker of mine was on the block and he went this route. He started coming in later than normal, took a bunch of “sick” days, came to work all coked up, etc. Being idealistic, I took it upon myself to chew him out and tell him to “sack up” and be a pro. Needless to say, he was let go for cause four weeks before the rest of us got the “right-sizing” axe.
In addition to shortening your work day, I suggest you take this approach:
Why has your blog gone soft?
Hans J.
Hi, Hans J.
Low CTR on ED ads!
Tom
Hey, Dr. Tom!
Layoffs are coming to my office. What can I do to better prepare for the inevitable?
CSMF
Hi, CS
You need to own this. If you feel vulnerable, remove any doubt from your employer’s mind that you should go and be the one that must go. Come in at 10, go home at 2. Throw in a two-hour, alcohol-fueled lunch and you get the idea.
A former co-worker of mine was on the block and he went this route. He started coming in later than normal, took a bunch of “sick” days, came to work all coked up, etc. Being idealistic, I took it upon myself to chew him out and tell him to “sack up” and be a pro. Needless to say, he was let go for cause four weeks before the rest of us got the “right-sizing” axe.
In addition to shortening your work day, I suggest you take this approach:
- Sleep during meetings and wake up shouting, “What do you mean I don’t make enough to logon to ‘TheLadders.com’?”
- Call everyone “mathafacka” in your best Eminem voice.
- Tell all the women in your office how much you love the song “Let’s Pretend We’re Married” by Prince and just leave it at that.
The point here is use your imagination, because you’ll never know when you’ll get laid off again (probably is six months).
Tom
P.S. My heart is going to burst because it's full of rainbows.
Dr. Tom is not a real doctor. He calls himself since that his right as a holder of a Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy from U.C. Santa Cruz.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wayne Rooney is a punk
I think Wayne Rooney is a fantastic player for Manchester United and England. He has strength, speed and finishes well. We won yesterday’s match against Wigan and played well against Chelsea on the weekend. Despite all his quality he is a punk-ass bitch.I am constantly surprised that he is not sent off more often. I’m even more surprised he isn’t booked in every one of his matches for dissent. He openly yells at the ref and for some reason they do not discipline him for these outbursts. During the Chelsea match Howard Webb should have shown him the card to quiet the ravings of a lunatic.
Tom’s sarcastic rant: “Ooh, look at me, I get pissed off over a poor call about a throw in--an eff-ing throw-in! I’m one of the best players in the world but I act like a two year old when I don’t get my way.” Grow up, Rooney.
I just joined the facebook cause called “Stop little children watching Man Utd. Join the cause here: http://apps.facebook.com/causes/135864?m=7bf7bab2
Leeds United prediction:
Brighton 1-2 Leeds
C’mon, United!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Soccer-n-kids-n-beer-n-home improvement
These are the things that I like. All with the usual TFS tinge of flavor (aka sarcasm).
Big ups to Eric L. for the name and to J.M., whose blog title inspired the rant.
Tom
Big ups to Eric L. for the name and to J.M., whose blog title inspired the rant.
Tom
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